How To Walk Up to Girls When You’re Really Shy and Anxious

In Depth Reading Time: 6 minutes
how to approach girls if you're shy and don't know what to say

A friend told me about a girl he likes. She works at a taco truck a few blocks from our office.

He said he has no trouble conversing with people he doesn’t know. But when he sees a girl he likes, he gets speechless, and his mind goes blank. He can’t think of anything to say.

What does a man need to do to overcome this challenge next time? I’ve been at that stage too. I also had a time when I froze up. I can’t even get my feet to walk over to women and start a conversation if you’re someone who experiences this. I understand your struggle.

It’s not easy to overcome shyness with women, especially when you feel attracted to them. But don’t worry. You can do some things to improve your confidence and communication skills.

How To Approach Women When You’re Shy

How To Talk To Women When You're Shy and Introverted

Don’t be hard on yourself.

You can ultimately learn to converse with attractive women. Begin with small steps.
Everyone feels nervous at times. It’s totally cool. I talked to hundreds and hundreds of women, but when I see a stunner, I still break a sweat.

I’m here to tell you that approaching attractive women is a learnable skill.

No one knows how to talk to women at the start smoothly. Everyone starts somewhere.

But now you have to decide. Would you like to learn this skill? Will you dedicate time to it?

If you don’t get good results? Will you give up?

You will have doubts

If you’re really shy, anxious, and afraid, you might not even get to talk to women. And that’s all right. You’re just starting.

You might just stand there, look at her, and do nothing. You might start walking towards her, then back out at the last second. It’s okay.

Relax. Try to give it a few tries at first. You might

A good exercise that we do is to invite a friend with you. Hand him $20, and he keeps it if you can’t walk up to a woman. And if you do, you get to have it back again.

Mind your approach

I saw a guy try to talk to this girl. He just went straight towards her. Well, the girl took a few steps back.

Sometimes, our approach can be too aggressive even if you have friendly intentions. That’s why you should take a look at how you walk up to women.

Don’t approach a woman from behind when you want to talk to her in public. If she’s walking, walk past her. Wait until she is near you and can see you.

Look at what she is doing and how she is feeling. If she looks busy or not in the mood, leave her alone.

For starters, talk to women who are by themselves—much less effort than talking to a woman with a friend.

Start really small

No need for clever pickup lines. At this stage, you only need to practice walking up to women and talking to them. You could ask or tell anything.

Any woman. Have a chat with servers, librarians, teachers, etc. Talk to women in your neighborhood or community.

Even if they’re not your type. Even if they’re stunning, go up nonchalantly and have a noncommitted conversation.

Some lines you could try could include…

  • “I’m sorry. I’m kind of lost. Can you help me find [location]?”
  • “I like your [item/clothing]. Where’d you get it?”
  • “I’m new around here. Can you recommend any places to eat?”

You don’t need to follow up on these. You could say that these are warm-ups. You don’t need to commit to the conversation. Open, then leave.

Try these openers at least five times a day and even more. By the end of the week, you’ll realize that talking to women isn’t scary after all. By then, you could move on to more advanced openers.

You have to practice over and over

You just got to take it one step at a time. Suppose you think you still haven’t got the basics down. You have to repeat them over and over again.

With practice, you will gain confidence. You’ll realize that talking to women isn’t so hard after all. You will be familiar with common reactions women make. And you can think of something to make things better.

The more you do it, the less nerve-wracking it becomes. So, it’s about casually but consistently putting yourself out there, knowing that each interaction is a chance to improve your skills and feel more relaxed around women.

Push yourself

After your basic openers, you could move on to more opinionated conversation starters.

Here are some lines that you could try.

  • “Have you tried any of these? Which do you think is better?” – This could be anything. Food, products on a shelf, looking at the menu.
  • “Have you seen any good movies or TV shows lately?”

It’s good practice to follow up with a comment or reason why you’re talking to them about this topic. As to not show that you’re only talking to them because you’re hitting them up.

  • “It’s my first time here, and I thought you’ve tried some of these that you could recommend.”

You’ve got to be patient

Getting good won’t happen overnight. It’s all about gradual progress. Be happy with every advancement you experience, no matter how tiny.

In the first week, try to build up some courage first. In the second week, approach them. In the week after, converse with them. Everyone is different, and it might take you more days or less. What matters is that you keep progressing. And you keep track of it.

Have a Followup

To further the conversation, you need to say something after your opener. A simple “By the way, what are you up to?” could suffice. Here’s how it could go down.

“What are you up to?”
“Just walking to class.”
“Oh, I’m on my way to class too. Don’t let me keep you. But let me grab your number real quick.”

Or something like…

“What are you up to?”
“I’m on my way to the gym.”
Oh, that’s nice. I try to work out three times a week, too. Let me grab your number then and let you on your way.”

Other ways to overcome shyness with women

Join social activities to build confidence

If you’re shy around women, joining some fun activities with them can help you out. You can do things like group workouts, mixed sports, or hobbies that you both like. This way, you can talk to them more easily and not feel so nervous.

You don’t have to worry about messing up. You can just be yourself and have a good time. You can also learn from how other people act and talk in these groups.

This can help you feel more chill and confident when you meet women outside of these places.

Wrap Up

Shyness can make it hard to approach women, but you can overcome it. It’s a learnable skill after all. Don’t be hard on yourself or let your doubts stop you. Start with small talk. Practice with different women in different places. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Be patient and persistent. 

Try It Now


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