What To Talk About On A First Date

In Depth Reading Time: 17 minutes
what to talk about on a first date

As a guy, talking to women can be nerve-wracking, especially on a first date.

You’ve already mustered the courage to ask her out, planned the activities and the venue, but now you’re pondering, “What are the things to talk about on a date to keep her interested?”

What to talk about on the first date? Instead of the usual getting-to-know-you questions, use flirtatious banter to spark attraction. Chat more about romance, dating, intimacy, and even a bit about sex to set a playful tone. Encourage her to share her stories—it makes the conversation more engaging. And if you need backup topics, delve into hobbies, interests, friends, and family, etc.

You might be wondering if there’s a killer pickup line or a secret formula to charm her instantly. Is it true that there are questions that make women horny? Or maybe some magic spell you can say to make women want you?

Well, fret not. I’m here to share some conversational topics that will not only keep her engaged but also make her want to spend more time with you. Let’s dive in!

First Date Conversation Tips

first date conversation topics

The right first date topics can set the stage for a memorable and enjoyable evening.

In this section, we’ll cover some essential tips to create a connection with your date and keep the conversation flowing smoothly.

So, let’s dive into some effective strategies to make your first date conversations not just engaging, but also enticing.

Avoid First Date Topics Clichés

The internet is full of advice on what to talk about on a date. You’ll often find suggestions like finding someone you click with and asking questions to learn more about her.

But let’s be real—do you want to play 20 questions only to end up ghosted or without a second date?

Imagine investing time in getting to know someone, only to face rejection or never secure a second date.

Here’s the thing: there’s a sequence to this dance, and those cookie-cutter articles about what to say on a first date aren’t gonna lead you to the promised land.

They’ll suggest something like, “Talk about your passions, interests, hobbies, the works—your career, your bucket list, your craziest travel stories.”

Yeah, those topics are important, But hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There’s actually something even more important to chat about first, and I promise we’ll get to that in just a moment.

So, here’s the deal: pump the brakes on those clichés.

Asking about their favorite movie or which actor they’re crushing on? Hold off on that. There’s something else you should be diving into first—something that sets the stage for everything else. I’ll get to that golden nugget in a sec.

For now, just remember: steer clear of the typical first-date interrogation routine. There’s a more crucial convo to lead with, and trust me, it’s a game-changer.

Attract, Don’t Just Converse

Your goal should be to attract women, not just have a conversation with them.

So, you’re out there, trying to make a connection, right?

You’ve got a list of topics up your sleeve—those nice compliments that’ll make her smile, the cool stories that make you look good.

But here’s the kicker: You can discuss a variety of topics and connect deeply, yet she may not feel drawn to you.

You could cover every topic from A to Z, and still, there’s no guarantee she’ll be into you. This is because conversation is just one element of attraction.

Now, don’t get me wrong, those conversations are important—they’re the groundwork. But they’re just the starting point.

To really spark that attraction, you’ve got to bring your A-game with a bit more than just talk. We’re talking flirting, a dash of charm, a sprinkle of suave, and a good dose of humor.

These are the tools that turn a simple chat into something more, something that can lead to that all-important second date.

So remember, while those first date conversation topics are your guide, they’re not the end-all. Use them to get the ball rolling, but always be ready to up the ante with a little extra flair. That’s how you make an impression that lasts beyond the first date.

Flirt, Don’t Just Get to Know Her

Instead of just having a conversation with women, consider flirting instead.

If you’re thinking about diving into deep conversations right off the bat? Hold up. Let’s flip the script and focus on flirting instead.

Keep it light, keep it fun. We’re talking playful banter, a joke here and there—something to get her laughing. Notice the little things about her and tease her a bit. It’s all in good fun.

It’s about sparking a connection through flirting, which can be more impactful than discussing deep topics or finding common interests.

You see, sometimes it’s not about hashing out your life stories or lining up your interests. It’s about that spark. And guess what? It can happen without all that serious talk.

That moment when she looks at you and realizes, “Hey, there’s something here,” that’s golden.

Share funny stories from your past dates to keep the mood light and enjoyable. Make her smile, make her giggle. It’s about that connection, that feeling. And when she’s smiling and the conversation’s flowing, you’re on the right track.

Remember, the goal is to create a fun and flirtatious atmosphere that leaves her wanting more.

Get Her To Do The Talking

Alright, let’s break down the art of conversation on a first date. Think of it as a subtle dance where you’re not just a participant, but also the one setting the rhythm.

Imagine two girl best friends who haven’t seen each other in ages. They finally meet up, and it’s like a burst of sunshine—smiles, giggles, and an unstoppable stream of stories.

That’s how you want her to talk to you. An excited girl willing to tell you a lot about her.

You want her to feel that same comfort and familiarity. Translate that energy to a first date. That’s the vibe you want to release from her.

It’s not about a checklist of topics; it’s about making her feel the thrill of getting to know someone and the genuine eagerness to share her story.

Encourage her to open up, and share her stories, her laughs, and her quirks. Ask her and listen.

Initially, let her lead the conversation—aim for her to contribute about 80% to your 20%. Make her invested.

Get her invested. Doing this means you will find it less difficult to converse with her. She’s doing all the talking. But the important part is to make her think that she’s at ease talking to you.

But here’s the catch: once she picks up on the dynamic, it’s your cue to step in. Take the lead and share your own tales and insights.

This back-and-forth keeps things balanced and engaging. It’s not just about the talking points; it’s about building a connection where she feels heard and valued.

The goal is to make her at ease with you. With you, she can be herself without any fear of judgment. Show her that you’re someone she can trust, someone who listens.

That’s the foundation of not just a great first date, but potentially something more meaningful.

So, listen actively, ask thoughtful follow-up questions, and let the conversation flow naturally.

It’s a strategy that’s about more than just words—it’s about creating a bond.

Always Have a backup and a follow-up

It’s important always to have a backup and a follow-up plan for your conversation on a first date.

Sometimes, topics may fizzle out quickly, leaving you at a loss for words.

For instance, if you ask about her family and the conversation doesn’t seem to go further, have another topic ready to keep the flow going.

If she’s hesitant to discuss something or prefers not to share, respect her boundaries and smoothly transition to a different topic.

The key is to be prepared with a variety of topics to ensure the conversation stays lively and engaging.

Remember, it’s not just about what do you talk about on a first date; it’s about how you navigate the conversation.

Keep it smooth, keep it interesting, and always be ready to steer the conversation in a new direction.

When you follow up on a topic, inject humor and flirtation to keep her interested and the conversation dynamic. It should feel like you’re smiling throughout the discussion, creating a positive and enjoyable atmosphere.

However, if she consistently avoids answering or doesn’t seem engaged, it might be a sign that she’s not interested.

In such cases, it’s best to end the date gracefully. Remember, it’s okay to cut the date short if the connection isn’t there. You deserve to be with a hot girl who is genuinely interested in you.

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Things To Talk About on a Date

Here’s a list of topics you can discuss on a date, starting with the easiest. The goal is to gradually make her more comfortable talking and interested in sharing stories about herself.

If you need specific questions, you can jump on here: Flirty First Date Questions To Get Women Interested

Remember, sprinkle in some flirting here and there. The aim is to attract her, not just to talk or “get to know her.” Save the deeper conversations for later, once she’s more invested or receptive to you.

Icebreakers and Small Talk

Ease into the date with a friendly greeting—whether it’s a warm hug or a simple “hi.” Begin by asking about her day or what she’s been up to.

Was she at work? Coming from an event? Let the conversation naturally revolve around these initial topics.

Then, share a bit about your day. Keep it light, even if your day wasn’t the best. This exchange could easily fill the first ten minutes.

Next, casually comment on the venue or the atmosphere. Discuss the journey there—whether she took a Lyft, Uber, or had any trouble finding the place.

It’s just small talk, but it shows you’re interested in her experience. The topics you cover in these first ten minutes will pave the way for the rest of the conversation.

Afterward, you might delve into recent pastimes. Discuss workouts, movies, TV shows, events you’ve attended, or travel stories. Before you know it, an hour has passed filled with engaging topics.

Within a few minutes, you’ll sense whether there’s a connection. It’s not always about deep, introspective topics. Sometimes, it’s the simple things—her smile, a touch, the way she looks at you—that signal a spark.

If you sense that she’s not fully present or engaged, it’s okay to address it gently. You might say, “I’m getting the impression that you might be elsewhere mentally right now. If you’re not up for this today, it’s completely fine to call it a day.”

It’s possible she’s just not there yet or perhaps she’s had a tiring day. Offering her the option shows understanding and respect for her feelings, and it might just give her the space she needs.

But if she’s not sharing much, even after, take it as a sign. There’s no need to force the conversation. It’s okay to cut the date short or to be upfront and suggest ending the date if it feels one-sided.

Romance, intimacy, & sex

Now, let’s dive into the nitty-gritty.

This is the stuff you should be discussing during your dates. And it could happen an hour or two after you first meet.

These topics have the power to deepen your connection in an instant.

Women love to talk about this with their girlfriends, sharing stories about their lovers, their flaws, and everything in between.

They enjoy sharing these intimate details, so how can you use this to your advantage?

By engaging in discussions, this level of vulnerability and openness can create a strong bond between you.

Get her to talk about her dates

Now here comes the juicy part.

Since it’s the first date, try to get her to open up about her past dating experiences.

Start with a simple question like, “When was your last date?” and follow up by asking how it went—whether it was good or bad. This can give you valuable insights into her dating history.

She might share stories about previous dates, including whether she slept with the guy or not.

While she may not always be completely honest, you’ll at least have planted the seed for a candid conversation.

Listening to her experiences will reveal what she likes and dislikes in a date, allowing you to tailor your behavior to better attract her.

From my own experiences, I’ve found that women often complain about certain aspects of their dates.

For instance, some guys can’t stop talking about their gym routines, some, toy collections. Other also don’t quite match their online pictures. These topics alone can lead to engaging conversations.

The key here is to get her to talk about the negative aspects of her past dates. After all, she’s on a date with you for a reason.

Get her to talk about her exes

Ask her about her past relationships and let her share her stories.

This can provide valuable insights into what she’s looking for in a partner and why she’s chosen to go on a date with you.

If she had negative experiences with her exes, this is an opportunity for you to showcase why you’re different and why she should consider a relationship with you.

Perhaps her ex was the one who ended the relationship, in which case you can offer reassurance and show her that you’re a someone reliable, and trustworthy.

It’s also possible that she recently got out of a relationship and started dating again. It’s not about swooping in—it’s about being the guy who’s there for the right reasons.

While it’s important not to take advantage of her vulnerability, some women find solace in moving on quickly. Some women appreciate a man who can make them forget the past with a good laugh or a genuine compliment.

Dive into her relationship history, and you’ll gather clues on what she’s really after. Use that intel wisely. It’s about being the guy who listens, who gets her, and who can make her smile about the future.

By discussing her past relationships, you can learn about the qualities she didn’t like in her exes. This information can help you adjust your approach to align better with what she’s looking for, as long as it aligns with your own values.

So, why’s she with you now? Overall, the goal is to understand why she’s no longer with her exes and why she’s chosen to explore a connection with you instead. Show her all the reasons why she made the right choice. Be the guy who’s not just different, but better.

Talk about her lovers

When discussing relationships, it’s important to consider all types, including short-term and casual ones.

These conversations can reveal a lot about her personality and what she’s looking for in a partner.

You might inquire about her dating history, including whether she’s had one-night stands or how many boyfriends she’s had.

Does this mean she’s kind of easy? Naughty? Someone you can get along fast? Does this mean you can sleep with her even at the end of the night?

This information can give you insights into her approach to dating and intimacy. Use them to better understand her perspective and preferences.

Get into the details. Dig deep. And make her excited to talk about it. She may appreciate having someone to confide in and share her thoughts with, especially if she hasn’t had the opportunity to discuss these topics with a girl friend recently.

Overall, discussing relationships can create a deep connection. This can lead to a stronger bond and increase her desire to spend more time with you.

Fantasies and Desires

As your date progresses, typically around 4 to 8 hours in, things might start to escalate.

You’ve already checked off kissing, hand-holding, and maybe even some intense make-out sessions. It feels like all you need is a bedroom.

But what do you talk about during these moments of heightened intimacy?

One approach is to discuss your views on physical intimacy, including your comfort levels and boundaries.

For example, you could ask her if she enjoys cuddling or how she envisions spending time with a partner, perhaps even projecting into the future about doing things together, like lounging on the couch with her head on your chest. Or even more…

If both of you are feeling comfortable and the chemistry is strong, you can take the conversation to the next level by sharing your fantasies and desires.

This could include experiences you’ve had with your exes or the wildest things that have happened during a date, with a fuck buddy, or in a casual fling. Talking about these topics can heighten the sexual tension between you, making her eager for more. When you eventually take things to the next level, she’ll likely be incredibly turned on and ready to fully explore that physical connection with you.

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Other First Date Topics

When you’re on a first date, it’s natural to want to make a good impression by showing interest in your date’s life and experiences.

While discussing attraction, flirting, and past relationships can be intriguing, focusing solely on these topics might give off the wrong impression. You don’t want to come across as overly eager or solely interested in seduction.

It’s important to strike a balance by incorporating light and conservative topics into the conversation. Remember, a great conversation flows naturally and can seamlessly move from one topic to another.

This is where active listening becomes crucial. Paying attention to your date’s responses and cues allows you to navigate the conversation with ease.

Here are some topics that can help you keep the conversation engaging and enjoyable for both of you.

Her Background

Understanding her background can give you valuable insights into who she is. Start by learning about where she grew up. Is she a local or did she move around a lot? This can lead to interesting conversations about her experiences and upbringing.

Another aspect of her background to explore is her educational history. Ask her about where she went to school and what she studied. This can provide you with a glimpse into her interests and passions.

Family background is another important topic, but it’s often best to approach this later in the conversation. For now, focus on these initial aspects of her background to get to know her better.”

Other topics for her background could include:

  • Childhood hobbies and interests: Ask her about the activities she enjoyed as a child. This can give you a glimpse into her personality and what she finds enjoyable.
  • Cultural background and traditions: Explore her cultural background by asking about any traditions or customs she grew up with. This can lead to interesting discussions about her heritage and values.
  • Travel experiences: Discuss her travel experiences and any memorable trips she’s taken. This can uncover her sense of adventure and openness to new experiences.
  • Favorite childhood memories: Encourage her to share some of her favorite childhood memories. This can create a sense of nostalgia and help you understand what she values in life.

Her Hobbies and interests

Learning about her hobbies and interests can provide you with valuable insights into her personality and what she enjoys doing in her free time. Focus on both her past and present interests, but pay particular attention to what she’s currently passionate about.

Ask her about the activities she looks forward to doing when she gets home or what she enjoys doing before or after your date. Encourage her to share stories about her hobbies and what initially sparked her interest.

It’s also worth exploring if there are any hobbies she was fond of recently but her interest has waned. This can lead to insightful conversations about personal growth and changing interests. Ask her what happened to spark this change and how she feels about it now.

Her hobbies and interests can range from creative pursuits to outdoor adventures.

For example, she might be into painting or sketching, hiking or rock climbing, cooking or baking, playing musical instruments, practicing yoga or meditation, reading books, or even exploring new cuisines.

To get her talking, ask questions like, ‘I’m curious, what drew you to painting? Do you have a favorite piece you’ve created?’ or ‘Hiking sounds exciting. Where’s the most memorable place you’ve hiked?’

You could also ask about any recent books she’s read or dishes she’s tried cooking lately.

The key is to show genuine interest in her passions and listen actively to her stories.

Her Friends and family

Understanding her close relationships, including those with friends and family, can give you deeper insights into her life and values.

Ask about her siblings, if she has any, and where they are. Inquire whether she lives with them or separately. Showing interest in her family dynamics can demonstrate your caring nature.

Explore what’s happening in her neighborhood or community to understand her surroundings better.

Additionally, inquire about her relationships with close coworkers to gain insights into her professional life and the people she interacts with regularly.

While discussing her relationships, it’s also worth exploring if she has any conflicts or “enemies.”


When it comes to entertainment, delve into how she likes to spend her leisure time.

Discover her taste in music by asking about her favorite artists or bands.

You could also inquire about the latest shows or films she’s watched and what captivated her about them.

Understanding her entertainment preferences can provide insights into her personality and interests.

Ask her about any concerts or events she’s attended recently. Find out what made those experiences memorable for her. This can open up conversations about shared interests or new experiences you both might enjoy.

Other examples of entertainment topics to explore include:

  • Books she’s reading or has read recently
  • Podcasts or audiobooks she enjoys
  • Art galleries or museums she likes to visit
  • Outdoor activities she finds enjoyable, such as hiking, biking, or camping
  • Any hobbies or creative pursuits she’s passionate about, like painting, writing, or crafting

By discussing her entertainment preferences, you can discover common interests and potentially plan future activities together.


Talking about food is a surefire way to connect on a first date. Everyone loves food, so it’s a topic that’s both relatable and enjoyable. S

tart by asking about her favorite cuisines or restaurants.

You can also discuss any memorable dining experiences she’s had recently.

Sharing your own favorite foods and dining experiences can also make for a fun and engaging conversation.

You might discover shared culinary interests or new places to try together in the future.

Overall, discussing food is a great way to bond over shared experiences and interests, and it can pave the way for future culinary adventures together.

Career journey

Discussing her career journey and professional background can provide valuable insights into her ambitions and goals.

Inquire about how she embarked on her career path and the milestones that have led her to where she is today.

Understanding her professional background can give you a deeper understanding of her drive and passions.

However, while it’s important to discuss career aspirations, it’s also essential to strike a balance and not dwell on mundane details.

Focus on the aspects of her career that she finds most fulfilling or challenging.

Ask about why she chose her profession, what aspects she enjoys, and how long she’s been pursuing this career path.

Career journey is often one of the most insightful topics to explore on a first date, as it can reveal a lot about her values, priorities, and future aspirations.

Just remember to keep the conversation engaging and avoid turning it into a dry interview.

Action plan

Before your date, take some time to prepare topics of conversation. Think of it as preparing for a speech, but this time, it’s all about having a fun and engaging conversation. Anticipate pauses, jokes, and moments to share food and drinks. Remember, your date will also be sharing about herself, so be prepared to listen and respond. Practice your conversation skills beforehand. You don’t need to write anything down, just get comfortable with the flow of conversation. It’s like going for a job interview, but in a more relaxed setting. You’ll have the opportunity to flirt, joke, and tease each other, all while having a great time getting to know each other better.

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