What Is A Nice Guy and Why Women Don’t Want Them

In Depth Reading Time: 11 minutes

Have you ever wondered why being a respectful, well-meaning guy doesn’t seem to land you the girl?

Respect for women? Check. A gentleman? Absolutely. Not too shabby in the looks and financial stability department? You’ve got it covered.

Yet, the bad boys and gym buffs seem to steal all the girls. And now you’re left wondering what went wrong.

Can you relate to this scenario?

You’re trying to do everything right. You’re trying to tick all the boxes. You want to be the catch. But things aren’t just clicking.

Why do jerks and assholes get all the girls’ attention? Yet you, the kind-hearted, thoughtful, and respectful guy, get overlooked?

Sometimes, it’s easy to harbor resentment towards women. Why can’t they see that you’re a great guy?

But here’s the thing. There are certain behaviors that, despite our best intentions, are not what women find attractive.

It’s not what they respond to. It’s not what they’re looking for in a man.

Let’s figure out why some “nice” things that men do might not be so attractive to the ladies.

What is a nice guy?

A nice guy is a man who acts kind, respectful, and helpful to a woman, expecting that she will reward him with a romantic or sexual relationship.

He believes his behavior entitles him to her affection and attention, and he gets frustrated and angry when she does not reciprocate.

He tries too hard to please or do favors for her, hoping she will notice or feel obligated to him.

He does not understand that his niceness is not genuine but rather a manipulative strategy to get what he wants.

Why does nice guy behavior repel women?

A nice guy acts kind, respectful, helpful, and gentlemanly to a woman only because he looks forward to that woman agreeing to be his girlfriend. Or even have sex with him.

He tries too hard to please her or do things for her. In his mind, the women should do the same. That his feelings get reciprocated by love and loyalty.

By showing these good guy behaviors, he thinks he deserves her affection and commitment.

But he gets angry or hurt when she does not feel the same.

Women don’t like nice guys because, technically, they’re not nice guys.

Being nice is like a tool for him to try to get something from her. They only pretend to be nice to get them to be their girlfriend or sex.

Unlock the Strategies

What are the nice guy behaviors that you should avoid?

1. Obsessively clingy or needy

This means trying to show that you’re always there for her. Acting as if she were the only person in your life. Or even acting like the only woman you know. Sometimes it’s suffocating.

You could be constantly texting, calling, or showing up at her place uninvited.

You are always available to do her favors, such as picking her up, offering her a ride, or helping her with anything or everything.

You act as if she is the center of your world and you don’t have a life of your own.

I have this hot female friend who has a guy coworker. She told me that he was sweet and kind but acted like she was the only person in the world.

He followed her everywhere and tried to please her in every way. He said he would never leave her, and he made sure she had everything she needed.

I mean, in a sense, that’s nice, right? But women don’t like this behavior.

Women don’t like it because it makes them feel trapped, pressured, or guilty. Most of all, boring.

Be a man with his own life, hobbies, and goals, and who treats her as an equal, not a prize.

They want a guy who can give them space, freedom, and trust, not a guy who can suffocate them or control them.

2. Being a pushover

This behavior means being too nice or generous, sometimes giving up your wants and needs just to make her happy.

You might be a pushover if you always try to give her what she wants and never think about what you want.

Are you always willing to do anything for her, even if it means neglecting your needs, goals, or interests?

Do you always change your plans, schedule, or lifestyle to suit her? Like, you have work, but she tells you to hang out with her. And then you go even when you have deadlines and paperwork to finish.

Do you try to provide what she wants, even if it causes you a lot of trouble, just to please her?

Women don’t like this kind of behavior because it shows that you are insecure, weak, or dishonest, which are not attractive qualities. It makes them annoyed.

They want a guy who can challenge her. Someone who can stand up on his own. With his own thoughts and values.

3. Agreeing with everything

This means you agree with everything she says or pretend to like the same things she likes, even when you don’t.

You always let her make the decisions and never voice your preferences or opinions.

For example, if she says she likes a movie or a song. But for the love of god, you hate it. Would you say you like it too? Just so you don’t hurt her feelings? Or disagree with her, and tell her why you don’t like it.

Do you always let her take the lead, and you never stand up for yourself? Like can you not make your own decisions?

Do you always put her on a pedestal, idealize her, or think she is perfect, even when, really, she is not?

Women want a guy who is confident, strong, and honest, has his own opinions, preferences, and passions, and respects himself and his values.

4. Acting entitled or possessive

This means you act like you own her or have a right to her attention, affection, or loyalty.

You might get jealous or angry when she talks to other guys or try to control who she hangs out with. Why? You’re not her boyfriend. I get it. You want to be, but why should you act insecure?

You might also expect her to date you or sleep with you just because you did something nice for her, like buying her a gift or doing her a favor.

Here’s an example.

  • Do you text her constantly? Asking her where she is, who she is with, and what she is doing.
  • Do you get upset if she doesn’t reply right away or if she doesn’t tell you everything? You accuse her of lying or cheating if she doesn’t share every detail of her life.

This is not healthy because you’re invading her privacy and trust. You’re also making her feel stressed and annoyed by your constant demands and accusations.

How about this?

  • Do you show up at her workplace, school, or home uninvited and act like you have a right to be there? You try to intimidate or scare off any other guys who might be interested in her.

This is not respectful because you’re violating her boundaries and safety. You’re also making her feel uncomfortable and scared by your aggressive behavior.

Start being secure in yourself. You don’t need to act jealous or possessive to show that you care or are confident.

In fact, the opposite is true. The more secure you are in yourself, the more attractive you will be to women. You will also be happier and more relaxed in your own life.

Let her have her own life. She is not someone you should control or own. She is a person with her own interests, friends, and goals. Respect that, and support her in pursuing them. She will appreciate you more, and you will also have more time and energy to focus on your own passions and hobbies.

5. Feeling resentful when Rejected

Do you act hostile towards women who don’t feel the same way or interest in you?

This is not mature because it shows that you can’t handle rejection gracefully and don’t respect women.

You have what they call “fake” respect. Only trying to show respect to gain something.

Women don’t owe you anything. Just because you like them or do something nice for them doesn’t mean they have to like you back or do something for you. They have the right to say no, and you must accept that.

Stop telling her she’s a bitch or a whore. This is rude and disrespectful, and it only reflects poorly on you. Calling her names won’t change her mind or make you feel better. It will only make you look bitter and insecure.

Stop telling her she’s going to die alone. This is cruel and mean, and it only shows that you’re jealous and spiteful. Wishing her misery won’t make you happy or successful. It will only make you more miserable and lonelier.

And if you tell yourself that these women don’t appreciate a guy like you? It only reinforces your negative self-image. Blaming others for your problems won’t solve them or make you grow. It will only keep you stuck and unhappy.

  • Do you spread lies or gossip about her or try to ruin her reputation or relationships?
  • Do you post hateful or threatening messages on her social media or send her unwanted texts or emails?

This is not okay because you’re being abusive and harmful. You’re also breaking the law and risking legal consequences.

Learn how to deal with rejection in a healthy way. Rejection is a common and normal experience, and it doesn’t mean you’re worthless or unlovable.

Everyone experiences rejection. Everyone. So, instead of obsessing over someone who doesn’t want you, focus on yourself and your goals. Work on improving your self-esteem.

6. Using money to get love

Do you think you can win a woman’s heart or body by spending money on her or doing things for her?

You might buy her expensive gifts, pay for her meals, take her to fancy places, or compliment her.

You might think that this makes you a generous or nice guy, but it makes you a manipulative or desperate guy.

Spending dollars on a date doesn’t entitle you to a kiss or her asking you to go inside her house after the date. This is not a transaction but a mutual interaction.

Giving gifts, spending cash on meals, taking her to fancy places, or giving her compliments does not mean women are obligated to you to give them back.

This is not a bargain but a gesture. You should do these things because you genuinely want to and not because you have an ulterior motive. That means making her your girlfriend or sex.

They don’t owe you anything and don’t have to like or sleep with you just because you gave them something or did something for them.

You should also not pressure or guilt-trip her into doing something she doesn’t want.

Now let me ask you these: Are you engaging in these behaviors?

  • Do you always insist on paying for everything, even when she offers to split the bill or pay for her share? Maybe to get her to repay you in some way for your kindness.
  • Do you shower her with gifts or buy her things? Flowers. Maybe jewelry? Maybe to make her feel obligated or indebted for your generosity?

You don’t need to buy or bribe a woman for her attention or affection. You will have a better chance of winning her heart if you have charm, humor, and the moves.

7. Showing unwavering patience

Do you think that you can win a woman’s love by waiting for her or wooing her for a long time?

You might have a crush on her and think that she’s the girl of your dreams.

You might try to impress her with gifts, compliments, or favors. You might try to show her that you admire her and that you’re the best guy for her.

And you might tell yourself that you’re okay with waiting for her until she’s ready or changes her mind.

You don’t expect to have sex with her right away, or ever. You just hope that she will eventually see you as the great guy you are and fall in love with you. So you “wait” for her.

But it doesn’t work like that.

Women are not prizes that you can earn by being patient or persistent. They are people who have their own feelings, preferences, and choices.

They don’t owe you anything and don’t have to love you or sleep with you just because you waited for them or wooed them for a long time.

In fact, they might find your behavior creepy, annoying, or pathetic.

  • Do you have a crush on a woman but never tell her how you feel or ask her out? Do you just watch her from afar or be her friend, hoping she will notice you or like you back?
  • Do you wait for her to break up with her boyfriend or to get over her ex? And you’re just there, waiting to sweep her off her feet. Be her shoulder to cry on, and see you as the great guy you are?
  • Do you tell yourself that you’re okay with waiting for her, even when she doesn’t give you any signs or hopes that she will ever want you? All while trying to impress and show her how much you admire her.

You don’t need to wait for her or woo her for a long time to get her attention or affection. Focus on action, not intention.

The key characteristics that women look for in this scenario are assertiveness and confidence. Go for what you want, and that is her; don’t just stand on the sidelines waiting for her to choose you.

8. You’re no fun

Having no sense of humor or adventure means You don’t flirt or tease her. You’re boring and dull.

You just try to be there for her as her friend or supporter, not her lover or partner.

You might also try too hard to make her laugh or get any reaction, but you end up being annoying or desperate.

You always tail her as her support or put her on a pedestal, but you don’t challenge or excite her.

Women don’t want a guy who has no sense of humor or adventure. They want a guy who is fun, playful, and adventurous.

They want a guy who can make them laugh, smile, and feel good. They want a guy who can flirt, tease, and seduce them respectfully and charmingly.

They want a guy who can go for what he wants but also respect what she wants. They want a guy who can give them the spark, not a dog with a tail between his legs.

  • Do you never joke or banter with her or make her laugh with your wit or humor?
  • Do you never flirt, tease, or show her that you are attracted and confident?
  • Do you always act like a friend, or a brother, or a nice guy, but not like a lover, or a partner, or a bad boy?
  • Do you always compliment her, or admire her, or worship her, but not challenge her, or excite her, or seduce her?
  • Do you always follow her, do what she wants, or let her decide, but not lead, surprise, or delight her?

Learn how to express your interest in a fun and playful way. You don’t need to be a jerk or a creep, but you need to be able to flirt, tease her, and show her that you are interested and confident.

You can use humor, sarcasm, innuendo, or role-play to create tension and excitement.

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