Why You Should Stop Relying on Dating Advice

In Depth Reading Time: 10 minutes
the pitfalls of overreliance on dating advice

Dating is hard. We all know that.

Sometimes, you try to do everything right. But it can still feel like you’re doing everything wrong. Or you’re missing some crucial piece of the puzzle.

This is why you’re always up late at night. Endlessly scrolling through articles, forums, videos, and books about the magic solution to your dating problems. You’re even asking yourself if it’s even worth it. Is it?

Meet David. David met a girl who seemed to like him a lot. She smiles at him, touches him, and even compliments him. She even invited him to her apartment for a movie night.

They had a great night, talking and laughing. But when David tried to take go for a kiss, she suddenly pulled away.

The night then grew awkward, and David decided just to go home. He didn’t know what he did wrong or what to do next. He now wonders if there will even be a next time.

Then there’s Samuel.

Samuel had a crush on a girl at work. They had been flirting pretty extensively, exchanging jokes and glances.

One day, they found themselves alone in the office and couldn’t resist the attraction. They made out passionately, and it felt good. They laughed about it afterward and agreed to keep it casual.

After that, Samuel didn’t know how to act around her.

He didn’t want things to get awkward. Now he’s afraid that he might “fuck things up” like he always does with other girls.

This is why many men turn to dating advice.

David and Samuel are just examples of men who are struggling with dating. They both have encountered situations where they felt confused, frustrated, and helpless.

They seek tips, tricks, strategies, and secrets from experts, coaches, friends, or even strangers on the internet.

They hope to find the magic formula to make them irresistible to women or help them avoid common pitfalls and mistakes.

There is no harm in asking for help, but sometimes, you might ask the wrong questions, focus on things you shouldn’t, or even be guided by amateur advice.

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Why Asking For Dating Advice Can Hold You Back

the downside of depending on dating advice

You don’t understand the dating process.

One of the reasons you might be asking for dating advice is that you don’t know the process of dating.

You don’t know what to do, when, or how to do it. You don’t know the sequence of steps when meeting women.

But before you seek help from others, you should understand the basics of dating. Or maybe even what your goals are when you want to meet women.

You should know the general stages and phases of dating and the skills and strategies involved in each one.

You should know the common signs of interest, attraction, and compatibility and how to respond to them.

You should know the dos and don’ts of dating etiquette, communication, and behavior.

Of course, dating is not a rigid or linear process. It’s dynamic and flexible. One that depends on many factors and variables. It’s not the same for everyone or every situation.

But some things are universal and essential and should be done in a logical and natural order.

For example, you don’t build a house starting with a door. You start with a foundation, then a frame, then a roof, and so on.

Similarly, in dating, you don’t go for a kiss before you hold hands. You don’t have sex before you kiss. You don’t propose before you date.

You start with getting to know each other, building rapport and trust, expressing interest and attraction, and so on.

So before you ask for advice on what to do next, you should first know the dating process.

You should have a clear and realistic idea of what dating entails and what you want to achieve.

You should have a plan and a direction, not a random and desperate approach.

Understanding the dating process will make you more confident and prepared to handle any dating situation successfully.

It can make you rigid.

Understanding the process of dating is okay. Having standards and rules is okay. But sometimes, they can create unrealistic expectations or pressure.

You may feel you must follow certain rules or standards that may not suit your personality or situation.

For example, you may read a book that tells you to wait three days before calling a woman after a date. But what if you really liked her, and she started talking to someone else on those three days?

What if she is expecting you to call, and she thinks you are not interested?

What if you missed the opportunity to connect with her because you followed a rule that was not relevant or helpful?

Don’t let rules or standards interfere with the natural flow of dating. You may miss out on the spontaneity and authenticity of dating and instead follow a scripted or calculated approach.

Yes, there are guidelines. But not rules. Only use them as a guide. You can always bend them, break them, or ignore them. Stick to them, but also trust your instincts and feelings. Be flexible, adaptable, and creative. That’s how you’ll succeed in dating.

It can make you dependent.

Asking for dating advice may make you dependent on others.

You may lose your instincts, judgment, and choices and rely too much on others’ opinions. You may seek validation from others instead of creating your solutions.

Asking for dating advice may make men lose their instincts. They may start to doubt their judgment and choices and rely too much on others’ opinions.

For example, you’ve been talking to this girl and maybe wanted to ask her out. But you don’t know how to approach her.

You may ask your friends, family, or even strangers on the internet for advice on what to say or how to make a move.

Now, riddle me this if it’s just you and have no one else to rely on. Can you still find ways to take her out?

Because if you always feel like asking other people for dating advice, it may seem like you can’t make a move on women without their approval or guidance.

Or, you may ask for dating advice, but never listen to it or use it.

You may keep asking the same or different questions, hoping to find the perfect answer. But, you ignore or reject the advice that you get because it doesn’t match your expectations or because you are afraid to try it.

Both scenarios show a lack of independence and confidence in dating.

You are not trusting yourself or your abilities. You are not taking responsibility for your own dating life. You are not learning from your own mistakes or successes. You are not growing or improving.

Yes, you can always ask for dating advice occasionally, but you should also start being independent.

Trust your instincts, judgment, and choices. Create your solutions based on your goals, values, and situation.

Take action, and learn from your own experience. Be independent, and you’ll be more confident and successful in dating.

It can make you overthink

Asking for dating advice can make you overthink every move you make.

You may get confused and overwhelmed by all the different opinions and suggestions.

You may start to question yourself and your actions. Or even question the advice you read online. You may wonder if you should do this or if you should do that.

All this overthinking can make you crazy and paralyze you. You may get stuck with nothing to do because you’re afraid to fail.

You may lose confidence in your judgment and abilities. You may increase your anxiety levels as you become hyper-aware of potential pitfalls and mistakes.

Overthinking can cloud your judgment and lead to poor decision-making. Instead of following your instincts, you may decide based on fear or insecurity.

You may miss opportunities or make mistakes that you could have avoided if you had acted more naturally and spontaneously.

For example, you may have a great date with a woman and want to kiss her at the end. But instead of going for it, you overthink it.

You wonder if she wants to kiss you or if she will reject you. You wonder if it’s the right time or the right place. You wonder if you should ask her or just do it.

You wonder if you should use your tongue or not. You wonder if you should kiss her softly or passionately. You wonder if you should hug or hold her hand or walk her to her door.

By the time you finish overthinking, the moment is gone. She says goodbye and leaves.

You feel frustrated and regretful. You wonder what could have been if you had just kissed her.

So, stop overthinking and start doing. Trust your instincts, judgment, and abilities. Act on your feelings, and show your interest.

Don’t worry about the outcome. Focus on the present. Don’t overthink, just do it. That’s how you’ll succeed in dating.

How to Stop Depending on Dating Advice

Find a mentor

To learn the process of dating, find a mentor or coach who can guide you and teach you the fundamentals of dating. This doesn’t mean you have to hire a professional or pay for a service. It could be a friend, a relative, or someone you admire, who knows how to date women successfully. They may have different styles, but you can learn from their experience, wisdom, and feedback.

Finding a mentor is like finding a personal trainer. No matter what your goals are, some coaches have years of experience to guide you. They can help you avoid common pitfalls, overcome challenges, and achieve your goals. They can tailor their advice to your specific needs, preferences, and situation. They can motivate you, support you, and hold you accountable.

But finding a mentor doesn’t mean you have to follow them blindly, or copy them exactly. You should still be authentic to yourself, and develop your own style and personality. You should still trust your own instincts, judgment, and choices. You should still experiment with different approaches, and learn from your own experience.

So, find a mentor, not a guru. Find someone who can help you, not someone who can tell you what to do. Find someone who can inspire you, not someone who can control you. Find someone who can teach you the process of dating, not someone who can give you the solutions.

Learn from Experience

By making mistakes and learning from them, you’ll improve your skills and develop a deeper understanding of how to meet women and navigate dating

To learn from experience, you need to take action and practice dating.

Start by taking small, manageable steps, such as approaching someone new or asking someone out on a casual date. Don’t worry about the outcome, just focus on the experience and the learning. Just do it.

You’ll learn something with every woman you approach.

You’ll discover what works and what doesn’t, what you like and what you don’t, what you need and what you don’t.

You’ll learn how to communicate, how to flirt, how to create attraction, and how to handle rejection. And yes, you’ll make mistakes.

Mistakes and rejection are inevitable. They happen to everyone, not just to beginners. Even the most successful and experienced daters make mistakes and face rejection. It’s a part of life, and a part of dating.

But it doesn’t mean you’re a failure, or that you should give up. It means you have an opportunity to learn something from it, and to grow from it.

Advice can only give you information, but experience can give you wisdom. Advice can only tell you what to do, but experience can show you how to do it. Advice can only help you temporarily, but experience can help you permanently.

Be a problem solver

Many men who ask for dating advice want to know what to do, or what to say, in specific situations. But they don’t want to know the reasons behind it, the fundamentals. They want a quick fix, a magic bullet, a silver bullet.

But this mindset is not helpful, nor effective. It makes you dependent on others, and prevents you from learning and improving. It makes you focus on the problems, not the solutions.

You need to change your mindset from being a problem seeker to being a problem solver. You need to understand the theories behind dating, and the principles and concepts that guide your actions and decisions. You need to be able to fix your own dating mistakes and create your own dating solutions.

Dating advice is not an exact science. Some say it’s an art. But here’s the thing. Some things work most of the time, for most people, in most situations. And those are the things that you need to focus on. Find them out, and master them. And the only way to do that is to practice them yourself and learn from your own experience.

Find out what works and what doesn’t, for you and for the women you date. Find out what makes women attracted to you, and what turns them off. There are already a few guides out there, but they are not enough. You need to refine them, and customize them, to suit your own style and personality.

By learning the process and developing your skills, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the complexities of dating and relationships with confidence and success. You’ll be a problem solver, not a problem seeker. And that’s how you’ll succeed in dating.

Wrap Up

Dating advice can be helpful. But it can also be generic, subjective, contradictory, and confusing.

It can make you overthink, doubt, and depend on others. It can in a way prevent you from learning, growing, and improving exponentially if you solely rely on it.

The best way to date women successfully is to learn the process of dating, not the solutions.

You need to understand the fundamentals, the principles, and the concepts of dating.

You need to know your goals, your values, and your preferences in dating. You need to find your own solutions, based on your own situation, personality, and style.

You may not have the full confidence to face women and dating head-on. But you can build it gradually, by taking small, manageable steps.

You can start by finding a mentor, someone who can guide you and teach you the basics. You can then practice by taking action and learning from your own experience.

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